One year later.
I haven’t written in such a long time. I simply lost all sense of passion and to be honest, I just got bored of reading blogs trying to sell me stuff we all know doesn't really work. And I just didn't want to do that.
So I let myself be and now here I am at 21:42 on a Monday night, sat in my new room in my new little house and I just needed to write. I know this isn’t interesting and I know you might not ‘gain’ anything from this post but I wanted to show you how much changes in a year. If you’re stuck like I was then take a year for you too.
One year ago today I was newly single, completely lost in life, completely empty, scared to death (almost literally) and very stuck. I referenced to having a ‘break-down’ in rather a few of my blog posts. A few too any to be honest. But I am so grateful and glad that I chose to write as an outlet - mainly because Im glad I can read them back and see what life does on it’s own.
So, one year later… I have a job I enjoy, in a company I love, that I’m hoping to progress in. I have just moved to Clifton, in Bristol, which is my favourite place in all the land. I used to come here for the day to visit coffee shops and take pictures and I just never, ever thought I would ever be living here. Ever. But I do. I have a whole new mindset on relationships and how I want to feel and be treated. I feel the most confident in my appearance I have ever felt, regardless of the fact I’m half a stone heavier than I was this time last year. I’ve made new friends. I’ve gotten over so many food issues I was struggling with (I even had a full fat coke the other day and if you’re an ex ED you’ll know that’s an achievement). My skin is clear from annoying bumps I’ve suffered with my whole life that were making me self-conscious. The list really could go on.
I feel like I was walking around with the weight of everything on me. I felt heavy and tired and I forgot what it felt like to be happy. I literally feel like I have shrugged off all the heavy, dirty, sticky, bad stuff and stepped out onto solid ground all clean and airy and light.
The things I tried to achieve like the blog, the learning a musical instrument, the learning to speak another language, the pressure to travel and to generally be more… none of that actually turned into anything. Even though that’s where all my energy went. But the stuff I didn’t think twice at or the thing’s that I never thought I’d be able to change so just accepted - those are the things that life changed the most for me, all by itself.
I am happy where I am right now. I could have more money or the career in copywriting that I want or have a boyfriend that I want to marry or whatever else. But my god, I have my whole life for those things. And those doors will open when they’re supposed to. Just like the flat happened the it was supposed to. Just like the job I have happened when it was supposed to.
I have finally stopped running away. I have finally stopped needing to be more. I have finally stopped needing to constantly occupy my brain. I have finally stopped needing to over share on social media for validation to cover up how empty I felt. I have finally stopped. All of it. And I am truly content. I never, ever thought I’d feel that…
One year later.