Becoming single at 23
I wanted to talk about something a little more personal today, as it’s a topic that has felt like a bit of a weight on my shoulders I guess I could say.
I’ve semi-recently become single and I’m now a month in to being 23. I have always wanted a life companion, ever since being little I have believed so strongly in romance and being with my best friend for life. Now, I’ve had a few shit experiences with boys in my time (to say the least) and I feel like it’s kind of made me worry about my whole life companion plan.
If I could envision my perfect relationship; it would include traveling together, wanting similar things out of life, both being creative and working on projects together - maybe even making little life films together, someone to genuinely want me to be happy and love the socks off of me (but know me well enough to know I hate wearing socks unless I’m wearing trainers or whatever), be protective of me, someone to make me laugh daily, someone that accepts and matches my kind of large personality, someone that doesn’t judge the sheer volume of pizza I consume on a weekly basis, someone to make little babies with me and basically just live happily ever after.
Now I’m 23 and ‘back on the market’ as they say, I’m ever so slightly terrified I’m going to die alone.
I am being very hard on myself and if I’m honest, despite what I’ve just said about being terrified of dying alone, I’m actually genuinely enjoying just being alone. My life has been so here, there and everywhere for the past few years that I haven’t just been settled, spending time being independent.
The good thing about this current stage of my life is that I’ve realised I really am independent. I enjoy doing things by myself, I love spending time with my friends, I love sitting in bed writing, I love editing pictures I’ve taken, drawing, reading random science books for the fun of it. I love having time to learn things (I’m currently learning French and also how to edit cool vids). I’m just working on being who I am, you know?
But at the same time, lonely cat lady is always on my mind.
I guess when the time is right, the right person will just walk into my life (hopefully with a great sense of humour, a very large pizza and the ability to tell me to shut up if I am being an overdramatic cow)
Anyway, just to summarise - as I feel like I just word vomited onto this page - I am not afraid to say that I’m scared I won’t have my life pal. I’ve had my heart broken into a million and one pieces so am kind of sceptical of this whole ‘love’ thing… but I’m fixing it, piece at a time, all by myself.
And hey, at least you lucky lot get to read my sob stories which hopefully make your own lives seem very normal in comparison.
I’m sure my best friend is out there somewhere - I’m just not quite ready to meet him yet. Or maybe I already have? God knows.. all I do know is that I’m sat in a jumper and pants eating chocolate in bed; with no one here to judge me. Maybe being single at 23 isn’t the end of the world after all…